Positive and confident… and scared

It’s freezing.

But it’s not cold

He crosses the bridge and looks at beautiful sunrise.

The sun has been set for hours.  It’s dark out.

The lights from the city reflect on the low clouds in the clear night,

Like the light from a tree through a frosty window on a mid December night.

The tree is bare though, decorated, yet waiting, unfulfilled

…but it will be soon.

He keeps going—fast, but as fast as he could?

The route is new, yet parts are familiar…some he’d like to forget

Others, he’d like to repeat.

The starting point is the same, but the end is always different.  Yet they are both the same place.

How can it seem that the majority is uphill or into the wind?  Can this be?

He passes an alley and looks down… he hopes she knew him.  He should stopped.  Should have checked.  Should have made sure all was right.

He’ll have to rue this until he forgets

Thoughts only last till they are forgotten.

But once forgotten, are things made right?

The time is now, yet the future is vast.

There’s no rush, except for right away….and right now.  He wants it

He believes it.  He needs it.

He’s scared.

—————————————————————–

I’m running the Cincinnati Heart Half Marathon tomorrow!  It will be my first true race of the year- and it’s nice enough to start about a blog from my house ha!  Next week, I’m racing another half marathon on Saturday and then am going to race a sprint triathlon in a nearby city on Sunday.  Woo! Fun weekend in Kentucky lol.

On Thursday, St. Patty’s day, I was able to do my first outside ride with a group.  I headed out with the fast group, and stayed with them the whole time until near the end when I got dropped on a fast flat.  It sucked because I couldn’t shift the bike into the big ring (I need to make a few adjustments on it) so I couldn’t create the power I needed to pick it up quickly. Since I clearly had no idea where I was, I had a fun little adventure  trying to find my way back.  Thank God I ran into some guys from the Medium pace group and saw where they were headed.

The ride was good, but hilly, and I’m seriously questioning my bike fitness.  It’s one thing to be in shape, but its a whole other to be efficient and in top shape for a specific sport.  I was hoping to not be a tired as I was- my cardio was fine, but it was my legs.  I bricked this ride with a short 3.5 mile run.  It was tough lol.  The first part was really slow, but as it went I felt better.  If I cold exclude that first mile, I would almost have been happy with the pace.  But that is not in the cards.

So this has me a little scared going into Wildflower half Ironman.  I’ve done no long rides and need to crank my cycling up big time before the race.  I’m hoping to get some good miles in after the race tomorrow!

The point of this post was two-fold: Yeah, honestly, I’m scared right now for Wildflower based on my level of triathlon specific fitness.   However, as is my theme for the month (and forever, now), I’m remaining positive and confident.  I know I can do anything I put my effort into and am committing to do that, now matter how unclear parts of the future seem.

I wrote that piece at the beginning to kind of illustrate that.  It talks about all the things I experienced on a hard run the other night, as well as connecting for other parts of my life which can be hard.

I’m confident though- I’ll get there- I’ll be ready…. for anything

Grinding and determined

 

  • What are you ready for?  What are you determined to do?
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8 thoughts on “Positive and confident… and scared

  1. Good lyck tomorrow Chuck! You are going to do so well-are you planning on writing a race recap?

    When I first got into running-my dad always told me my swimming might suffer just because Triathletes are so good at all three sports versus being amazing at one sport and just okay at the other two-if that makes sense. I have to say that-cycling so much more difficult then people might think. I have been trying to get into the last few weeks and my legs are always hella sore.

  2. Hey Chuck,

    Ganbatte kudasai 🙂 I’m sure you’ll do great over the following weekends with all the work you’ve been putting in over the past few weeks. I can’t imagine how tough it is having to be outstanding at three different disciplines, I struggle keeping up with 2 haha.

    Big fan of the free form poetry dude, sometimes its nice to get your reflections down like that, unhindered by the word density of prose.

    I’ll tell you what I’m ready for, going to Japan and pushing the boundaries of science just over a week till I fly now.

    Take care today dude and I hope you fly past everyone.

  3. You’re probably done the race by now, and I have a feeling you rocked it. I know what it’s like to doubt yourself, but I honestly believe that self-doubt is success’ biggest enemy. If you already feel defeated going into something, of course you’re not going to do as well! You CAN do this…you’re an incredibly dedicated athlete with a huge passion for racing. Remember how much you love it, and yes, stay CONFIDENT!!

  4. If I would have been up on my blog reading, I wouldn’t have been a bad friend. But we’ve talked and you’re a rockstar : ). Hope to see you next wknd!! Also, stay positive!

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